I always tell friends that when I get to Heaven I’m going to discuss certain things with God. The reason for mosquitos. Why the wind never stops blowing in the Texas Panhandle. The thinking behind the creation of certain things. Stuff like that. Here’s how I think our conversation about goat heads (aka puncture vine) would go.
Me: So…about goat heads…
God: Goats have to have heads. They’d look strange without them.
Me: Ha, ha. You know what goat heads I’m talking about.
God: Hmmm….I might know something about that kind of goat head too.
Me: Yeah, I bet you do. You did create the whole world and stuff.
God: (silence, shuffles feet, finally meets my eyes)
Me: What was your thinking there man? I’m going to create a weed that chokes out other plants, grows stickers that can cripple any animal or person who steps on them, and isn’t food for anything.
God: Well, yeah….sort of my thinking.
God: Yeah…..I just…
Me: You were drunk when you made goat heads weren’t you?
God: Absolutely not.
Me: (stares, raises one eyebrow)…..Really?
God: (drops head in shame)….I was drunk.
Me: I thought so.
God: It seemed like a really funny idea at the time.
Me: Yeah, no idea is a good idea when it is created by alcohol.
God: Well I know that now.