A Project…And A Whole Lot Of “I Don’t Know”

So. Want to see what I’ve been up to? When I’m not here blogging about writing and life with RA and other stuff I’m home, often in my shop playing with power tools.
Recently I finally did something with these two ammunition boxes. I’ve had them in my garage for 8 years or so. Before then they were under my dad’s workbench in his shop. No one can really even tell me where they came from. But they’ve apparently been bouncing from garage to garage throughout my family for a while.

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They’re pretty crudely made, but sturdy and they’ve aged to a nice color. Some water damage has even added some interest to them. And they have some really neat stuff painted on them.

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For years I thought I’d save them to make into medicine cabinets. But that just never seemed right for them. So they sat and gathered spiders and dead files. And stared at me. Finally it hit me what to do with them.

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I wanted to make two display cases out of them. The first thing I did was clean the boxes up. Then I took off the doors and took them apart. It was no easy task because on one door the nails had been too long and the points had been bent over, making it nearly impossible to pull out that thinner cross brace up there.

But I prevailed because I’m stubborn. I then cut the wide boards down into shelves and put the shelves into each case.

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All that was left was to sand them a bit to clean them up and slap on a coat of poly. Then hang them up in my house.

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They turned out pretty awesome and are a great home for my slowly growing collection of all things Doctor Who.

Anyway, this is what I do with nothing else seems to be going right in my world. I build stuff. Or repurpose things. Or paint a room or the whole house. I channel my frustration into something that I can control.

I’ve been trying to get my first novel published for a while now and that’s not going great. I know it isn’t going to be easy but I’d foolishly hoped I’d have at least gotten some sort of feedback by now. I’ve also dipped my toe into the world of freelance editing and proofreading. I know I’d be great at that sort of work. But because I have zero professional experience I can’t get a job. I’ve applied for everything I’ve been remotely qualified for and gotten nothing but no in return.

So I don’t know if this editing thing is what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m not even that sure about the writing thing right now. I won’t give up on it because I am the most….me…when I’m writing. I can’t let that go. But maybe the editing isn’t what I’m supposed to do.

I just don’t know.

I really wish I could get a five minute face to face with God and get some clear guidance. I just want to use my passion for writing and all that is related in a way to serve Him and spread His word and love. I think that’s what He wants me to do.

But right now I’m just a big pile of I don’t know.

And until I feel like I know the right way to turn…well…I’ll be in my shop. I think I’ll build a bench out of all my broken pallets next. Or repaint all my patio furniture. Or something else. I don’t know.

~Elise

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